Diary of a Sunflower: 1 January, year 3

The diary entries are extracts from my spiritual journey, going back about twenty years.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

There needs to be a pulling back in. I’ve been losing myself recently. My dad’s death has thrown me and made me not want to be alone, or quiet, or even meditate because of the fear of the pain that I might feel. I need to let that go now. I did meditate at the start of the holidays – the Good Samaritan – and I was everyone in that story. 

I beat myself up, then I keep myself too busy to help me, so I walk past. The second one is the negative voice telling me to get a grip, and that I’m crap anyway. And the strong me is the one who knows what needs to be done and just gets on with it – no procrastinating or telling myself what needs to be done. Simply action. And that is what helps me. 

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