But still our trust is often not complete, because we are not sure that God hears us…for often we are as barren and dry after our prayer as we were before. [Here Jesus says]: Pray wholeheartedly, though you may feel nothing, though you may see nothing, yes, though you think that you could not, for in dryness and in barrenness, in sickness and in weakness, then is your prayer most pleasing to me. [W]e ought to pray…that He may rule us and guide us to His glory in this life, and bring us to His bliss…So He means us to see that He does it and to pray for it. For…if we pray and do not see that He does it, it makes us depressed and doubting…And if we see that He does it and do not pray, we do not do our duty…It is our Lord’s will that we pray for everything which He has ordained to do, either in particular or in general. And so I saw that when we see the need for us to pray, then our Lord God is following us, helping our desire.
I’m catching up.
Jesus reassures us, saying “I am the ground of your beseeching.” For it is the most impossible thing…that we should seek mercy and grace and not have it. For everything that our good Lord makes us to beseech He himself has ordained for us from all eternity. So here we may see that our beseeching is not the cause of the goodness and grace which He gives us, but His own goodness…The fruit and end of our prayer…is to be united and like to our Lord in all things…This is the Lord’s will, that our prayer and trust be both equally generous. For if we do not trust as much as we pray, we do not pay full honour to our Lord in our prayer, and also we impede and hurt ourselves; and the reason is, as I believe, that we do not truly know that our Lord is the ground from which our prayer springs, and also because we do not know that it is given to us by grace from His love.
Reading: Matthew 7:7
Psalm 91: 1-2
So, I have been overwhelmed with work in the last two weeks and have fallen a bit behind in my journey. I have yet to start Day 14 from last week, but I am going to make a concerted effort to put aside this time for prayer in the next few days, and to catch up to with Days 14 and 15, and move onto the next day at the appointed time.
[God] regards sin as sorrow and pains for His lovers, to whom for love He assigns no blame…For our courteous Lord does not want His servants to despair because they fall often and greviously; for our falling does not hinder Him in loving us. No more than His love towards us is withdrawn because of our sin does He wish our love to be withdrawn from ourselves or from our fellow Christians. God also showed me that sin is no shame, but honour to [us], for in this vision my understanding was lifted up to heaven; and then there came truly to my mind David, Peter and Paul, Thomas of India and Mary Magdalen, how they are known, with their sins, to their honour in the Church on Earth. And it is to them no shame that they have sinned – shame is no more in the bliss of heaven – for there the tokens of sin are turned into honours. Just so our Lord showed them to me as examples of all who will come there.
Reading 1 Timothy: 15-16
Psalm 103: 8, 10-12
By saying every kind of thing will be well,…our good Lord [Jesus]…wants us ua to know that He takes heed not only of things which are noble and great, but also of those which are little and small, of humble [people] and simple, of this [person] and that [one]. and this is the supreme friendship of our courteous Lord, tha He protects us so tenderly whilst we are in our sins; and further more He touches us most secretly, and shows us our sins by the sweet light of mercy and grace. But when we see ourselves so foul, then we believe that God may be angry with us…Then we are moved by the Holy Spirit through contrition to prayer, and we desire with all our might an amendment of ourselves….And then our courteous Lord shows Himself to the soul, happily and with the gladest countenance, welcoming it as a friend, as if it had been in pain and in prison, saying: My dear darling, I am glad that you have come to me in all your woe. I have always been with you, and now you see me loving, and we are made one in bliss.
Reading: Luke 7: 44-47
I stood contemplating [these things] generally and darkly and mournfully, saying…to our Lord with very great fear: Ah, good Lord, how could all things be well, because of the great harm which has come through sin to your creatures?…And to this our blessed Lord answered, very meekly and with a most loving manner…that I should contemplate the glorious atonement, for this atoning is more pleasing to the blessed divinity and more honourable for [our] salvation, without comparison, than ever Adam’s sin was harmful. [He said]: For since I have set right the greatest of harms, then it is my will that you should know through this that I shall set right everything which is less…You will see yourself that every kind of thing will be well. [For] there are so many deeds which in our eyes are so evilly done and lead to such great harms that it seems to us impossible that any good result could ever come of them. And we contemplate this and sorrow and mourn in it so that we cannot rest in the blessed contemplation of God as we ought to.
Reading: Lamentations 3: 19-23
Psalm 141: 8
And with the beholding of [Jesus’ passion]…I did not see sin, for I believe that it has no kind of substance, no share in being, nor can it be recognised except by the pain caused by it. And it seems to me that this pain is something for a time, for it purges and makes us know ourselves and ask for mercy; for the Passion of our Lord is comfort to us against all this…And because of the tender love which our good Lord has for all who will be saved, He comforts readily and sweetly, meaning this: It is true that sin is the cause of all this pain, but all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well. These words were revealed most tenderly. showing no kind of blame to me, or to anyone who will be saved. So I saw how Christ has compassion on us because of sin.
Reading: Matthew 11:28-30
Then our good Lord put a question to me: Are you well satisfied that I suffered for you? I said: Yes, good Lord, all my thanks to you…Then Jesus our good Lord said: If you are satisfied, I am satisfied. It is a joy, a bliss, an endless delight to my that ever I suffered my Passion for you; and if I could suffer more, I would suffer more…For although the sweet humanity of Christ could suffer only once, His goodness can never cease offering it…The love which made Him suffer it surpasses all his sufferings, as much as heaven is above earth.
Reading: John 13:1b
Psalm 103:1a, 4-5
“With this the fiend is overcome.” Our Lord said this to me with reference to His blessed passion, as He had shown it before. In this He showed a part of the fiend’s malice, and all of his impotence, because He showed that His Passion is the overcoming of the fiend…Also I saw our Lord scorn [the devil’s] malice and despise him as nothing, and he wants us to do so. Because of this sight I laughed greatly, and that made those around me laugh as well; and their laughter was pleasing to me…for I understood that we may laugh, to comfort ourselves and rejoice in God, because the devil is overcome.
Reading: Hebrews 2:14-15
At the time I wanted to look away from the cross, but I did not dare, for I knew well that whilst I contemplated the cross I was secure and safe…Then there came a suggestion, seemingly said in a friendly manner, to my reason: Look up to heaven to His Father…I answered inwardly with all the power of my soul, and said: No, I cannot, for You are my heaven. I said this because I did not want to look up, for I would rather have remained in that pain until Judgement Day than have come to heaven any other way than by Him…So I was taught to choose Jesus for my heaven, whom I saw only in pain at that time. No other heaven was pleasing to me than Jesus, who will be my bliss when I am there.
Reading: 1 Corinthians 2:1-2
Psalm 90: 1, 2c
[In her vision of Jesus’ passion Julian writes:] “I saw in Christ a double thirst, one physical and the other spiritual. For insofar as Christ is our head, He is glorious and impassible; but with respect to His body to which all His members are joined, He is not fully glorified or wholly impassible. For He still has the same thirst and longing which He had upon the Cross, which desire, longing and thirst, which as I see it, were in Him from without beginning; and He will have until the time that the last soul which will be saved has come up into His bliss. God’s thirst is to have [us], generally drawn into Him, and in that thirst He has drawn His holy souls who are now in bliss. And so, gathering His living members, always He draws and drinks, and still He thirsts and He longs.