Did a meditation tonight and I was so deep into it that I felt quite spaced out. I might have fallen asleep, but I don’t think so. I felt my arms tingling and then I felt warm. I remember the red wine and the water swirling in the chalice and being drawn deep into the eyes in my painting. I remember diving off the cliff, down the waterfall and into the water, turning round with my arms out, as if on the cross, and coming up to the surface. I remember holding Sedation’s face, JC pouring out the bitter wine and water from the jug, before I was drawn deep into it. I remember my mum, but not anything in particular. Stillness, and energy moving through my body – and I remember being lost – the time. I don’t remember when I might have been asleep – but I don’t think I was. I didn’t feel scared or unsure, as you might if you were lost. And Sedation was also there. Floating – I remember that feeling of being in the water, and I remember water filling up a rectangular cavity and overflowing on both sides. Will I lose myself in this love?
Diary of a Sunflower: 31 January, Year 2.
