Diary of a Sunflower. 22 August, year 1.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

It is one month since Sunflower left her husband. She has started seeing a lover she had a relationship with fourteen years previously. She is also just about to enter into her first eight day individually guided retreat. 

On retreat and I’m a bit apprehensive about it. Most of the retreatants are Religious – I only observed one other lay person. Eight days silence – but I sent Tenderness a card to say I would go to see him next Wednesday if he wanted. I’ll check my phone on Tuesday and leave it in God’s (and Tenderness’) hands I guess. and I won’t interpret it with any deeper meaning. Que sera sera and all that. Got a text message from Warmth that I’ve written down in my book of conversations: 

Have a fantastic holiday: try not to be apprehensive. this is your time: enjoy it, you deserve it. Take care.

It really meant a lot to me that she would think of me enough to text what she did. I guess I’m here just to be, to reflect on the changes I have made in my life. I don’t really have any major decisions to make now – not really any, in fact. We’ll see – I need to remain open. 

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