Diary of a Sunflower. 27 August, year 1

Sunflower has spent a troubled night in the art room. She finished two dark, angry paintings and one calm, bright colourful one in between, which alluded to a more gentle time. She eventually cried herself to sleep for a few hours. 

The paintings have taken on a new meaning today. The brick wall has become an assertion of faith and the eye is no longer scary, but compelling in a loving, intimate way – and deep. I realised that I know plenty of people who are atheists, and they don’t suffer like this, they just get on with it. The only conclusion that I can come to is that I do believe in God, otherwise it would not have caused me such anguish to reject Him. I believe in him, I can’t help myself, so I may as well just accept it and live my life according to that belief, whatever that might mean. The companion laughed when she saw my paintings, and then apologised. But it was okay. Even though I am very tired today, I feel more peaceful and I can see the funny side of it. She suggested I stay in this place for a bit, so I went back to the well this morning and it was very different. 

When He asked me to get Him a drink this time I obliged and I shared some cool water with Him. 

Do you want to talk to me today?

He asked. I nodded. He led me over to one of those swinging garden benches that was hanging from a tree, which provided a comforting shade from the burning sun. I sat there with JC, drinking our water and chatting. We talked about football. I asked Him:

Which team do you support?

Whichever one needs supporting.

He responded with a little smile. We also talked about music.  I asked:

Do you like music?

Everybody likes music.

Well, what sort of music do you like?

What sort of music do you like?

Natalie Merchant.

Natalie is a bit serious for my taste.

Well, who do you like?

S Club 7, especially ‘Don’t Stop Movin’

That made me laugh – a lot! 

I picture Him today as in the video of Jesus Christ Superstar. 

He told me that it doesn’t really matter that I don’t have a husband and I did apologise for being rude to Him the other day. He nodded.   

I liked being in that place with Him and I don’t want to leave it. 

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