Diary of a Sunflower: 19 August, Year 3.

The diary entries are extracts from my spiritual journey, going back about twenty years.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

Yesterday, after I’d been singing in the garden, I had a moment of realisation. Serenity is not just about an absence of turmoil; it is not just about being able to accept the things you cannot change and to let go of stuff; serenity is knowing consciously in your heart that God is there with you. There may be storms around you, but you know. It is serenity that I want more of in my life. When I meditated on the post resurrection story with the disciples in the room, I was serene.  

I was the one who had discovered Him earlier in the day. The room was like the Arches prayer room here, except bigger. There was a large section behind three arches that were hung with heavy curtains. Behind here was the sleeping area. In front of it were coffee tables and low comfortable chairs like we have in our staff room at school. There was the arch shaped door (wooden) at the head of this, some wooden benches in the corner and a kitchen unit down the side. The walls were white. To the back of this section, behind an arch covered in a red voile curtain was a gas cooker and a small table. I was there making coffee for everyone and taking some bread, that I’d just made, out of the oven. Fast was there. The others were discussing if I had gone mad again. Reliable came in and hugged me. She said she’d heard what had happened and was I okay? I said I was. I was serene – in my new understanding of the word. Fast said: 

They don’t believe you; you know.

I know, but they will. 

I said. We took the coffee and bread and jam through. The ten who were there were my brothers and sisters, Sedation, Compassion, Sceptical and Confident. I didn’t know who wasn’t there, but they were all my “doubting Thomas”, except Sedation and Compassion. When we came in with the coffee, First was saying: 

I’m not saying Sunflower’s wrong…

and Fourth replied: 

Yes, you are…

First looked at me and said :

No offence.

None taken.

I said. At that moment, Jesus was there, putting His coat and His staff in the corner. He said, looking at the coffee:

Is there one of those for me?

I’ll get You one.

I said and He thanked me, smiled and squeezed my hand. I patted Sedation’s shoulder and smiled on the way past. The others were speechless. Jesus squeezed in at the top and sat down saying: 

So, what plans are we making? 

I brought His coffee and sat to the side, listening and watching. He was arguing/discussing all their gripes with them and there was banter, laughter, heated argument: and a glow spread from Him through all of them. I felt serene all the time. 

I have become a little frustrated with my daily meditations book – I find it quite superficial and not spiritual enough for me.