Diary of a Sunflower: 2 May, year 4

The diary entries are extracts from my spiritual journey, going back about twenty years.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

I don’t know where I am with Sedation. I got upset with him tonight. He was talking about money and stuff and resenting doing things around the house. What’s the point? Sometimes I wonder. I think he’s pushing me too hard. He’s trying to get things all settled here – perhaps the way he wants them – and I’m feeling that he’s asserting control over me that I don’t want. I don’t want a man to control my life, to tell me what I can and can’t do – no matter how subtlely! Maybe that’s the problem. In trying to find his place, he’s pushing and that has implications for me. Maybe I can cope/tolerate/accept what those implications might be but the pushing I can’t accept. I’m not prepared to accept being told what’s not good enough in my own home. I have a very tight knot in my stomach after our discussion tonight. God, what do I do with this? 

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