40 Day Journey with Julian of Norwich: Day 32

I am now out of retreat and resuming my journey with Julian once more.

And when we fall, quickly He raises us up with His loving embrace and His gracious touch. And when we are srenghtened by His sweet working, then we willingly choose Him by His grace, that we shall be His servants and His lovers, constantly and forever…And our falling is not evidence of divine negligence or lack of love. For we need to fall, and we need to see it; for if we did not fall we should not know how feeble and how wretched we are in ourselves, nor, too, should we know so completely the wonderful love of our Creator…And by the experience of this falling we shall have a great and marvellous knowledge of love in God without end; for enduring and marvellous is that love which cannot and will not be broken because of offences…[Therefore] let us meekly recognise our weakness, knowing that we cannot stand for the twinkling of an eye except with the protection of grace, and let us reverently cling to God, trusting only in Him.

Reading: Ephesians 2: 8-9

Psalm 63:8

Diary of a Sunflower: 13 August, year 3

I meditated on “Who do you think I am?” and made a spider diagram with Jesus in the middle. It was quite useful. My companion also asked the question “Who do I want Him to be?”. (This made me smile.) and to listen to what He said to me. I want Him to be what He is – fire, wisdom and a bit quirky. These are the things on my chart that seem the most important in my life.  

He asked me: 

Why do you get irritated with St Theresa?

and I said it was because she let others diminish her; because they told her that her visions came from the devil and she believed them, just like that, because she was a woman and not learned! I’m not so obedient to the “Church” as that: I would argue the point. but then, I’m not living with the Spanish Inquisition! And anyway, God found a way around it. I guess that’s the point. It doesn’t matter how we are, if we want Him, God will find a way through. He will use what we are, what seemingly gets in the way, to draw us closer to Him – if that is what we want. JC told me that I was intelligent and wise. I looked at Him to see if He was making fun of me – He just laughed. 

Sometimes it is not the leader’s fault if the group won’t follow. The weakness is in the group and their free will, not the leader. Stay longer. 

You see someone who thinks Himself wise? 

More to be hoped for from a fool than from him.  

Prov. 26.12

I’ve now made a chart with me in the middle and around it, who I am to Him. That was interesting. I feel quite euphoric today. I want to laugh and shout out loud and dance. I wasn’t sure if I fell asleep while I was meditating this afternoon and it was then that I got my strongest images of who I am to Him; at least the first ones – mother, grandmother, sailmaker, yachtswoman and forgiven. Naomi came earlier as an explanation, and Sunflower, teenage daughter and fool came during the exposition. I’ve had less full techni-colour pictures in my meditations – I’m in and out of it, and although the pictures today were short, they were the clearest yet on this retreat I think. They were not as the result of making an effort to focus. I read more of St Theresa’s book. She did argue with those who criticised her. And I’m picking up the vibe that she argued quite vehemently too! Maybe not so obedient and downtrodden then! 

Praying with Images: Peter’s Declaration about Jesus

Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A

Here, as stated before, it is my intention to draw from the forthcoming Sunday liturgy and to offer a guided prayer on one of the pieces of scripture in the same way that we have been doing in Exploring Personal Prayer. I do not intend to offer any reflections on the scripture. My suggestion is that you follow the Ignatian structure: preparation for prayer by reading the scripture, going to your prayer place and doing the prayer itself, and then moving away to another place and doing a review of the prayer. Keeping some sort of prayer journal is good practice. Note any moments of consolation in the prayer, where you felt drawn more deeply into God, and moments of desolation, where prayer was disturbed, where you were distracted and pulled further away from God: feelings of attraction and repulsion should be noted. These points may provide areas for repetition of the prayer. Also, if you have a spiritual director or prayer partner, someone who can listen with an ear to where God is in this, it may be worth sharing your prayer with them. I am following the processes outline in the prayer cards above. You may print these onto A6 or A4 card to have in your prayer space to help you become accustomed to this way of praying, remembering it is more of a flow than a rigid structure.  

Praying with Images, Peter’s Declaration about Jesus: guided prayer

Peter’s Declaration about Jesus

13 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, ‘Who do people say that the Son of Man is?’ 14 And they said, ‘Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.’ 15 He said to them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’ 16 Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah,[a] the Son of the living God.’ 17 And Jesus answered him, ‘Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. 18 And I tell you, you are Peter,[b] and on this rock[c] I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.’ 20 Then he sternly ordered the disciples not to tell anyone that he was[d] the Messiah.[e

Background music is the album: Keith Halligan – Lifestyle Meditation, Global Journey  

IGR 2020

IGR 2020 1: Reading of this post.

I made my first eight day individually guided retreat in 2001 at Loyola Hall. I have been writing about my journey from that point in the Diary of a Sunflower. It was a lifetime ago, and I feel like a completely different person now compared to who I was then. My retreat this year, which was booked for next week at St. Beunos in North Wales, has been cancelled due to the pandemic, and this will be the first summer since that first retreat that I will not have gone away to spend eight days in silence with God, as I promised all those years ago. It would be easy to be upset about it, but to be honest, I was not surprised by the cancellation and I have accepted it. I am still going to do a retreat this week, at home, starting today, Sunday, and I have found a director who will meet with me online every day.

I have to say, doing spiritual direction online, both giving and receiving, has been one of the wonderful surprises of lockdown and I would never have imagined it to work as well as I have experienced it. So much so, that I am intending to expand into giving spiritual direction online as a matter of course from September, regardless of any lockdown situation or easing, so watch this space!

I have reservations about all the distractions at home of course, and since my daughters live with me, complete silence might be an issue. But, they are prepped and cooperative, and I can go into my room and shut my door. I have room to sit and be, and a prayer corner in there. I have prepared meals in the feezer, and my laundry done, and I have a garden. My computer will go in the drawer, and I will have my artboard on my desk instead.

Ditchingham Convent Church
IGR 2020 2: Reading of this post.

While the nitty gritty of my preparations are probably uninteresting and do not really need to be shared, the point here is that I am creating a space – physical and psychological – to encounter God, to spend some time in deep with Him and away from all the distractions, and I am creating an environment that is conducive to that process. It is the principle described from the sixth to the ninth additions of the Spiritual Exercises:

I should not think of things that give pleasure and joy, as the glory of heaven, the Resurrection, etc., for if I wish to feel pain, sorrow, and tears for my sins, every consideration promoting joy and happiness will impede it. I should rather keep in mind that I want to be sorry and feel pain. Hence it would be better to call to mind death and judgment.

The Spiritual Exercise of St. Ignatius of Loyola, trans Louis J Puhl

For the same reason I should deprive myself of all light, closing the shutters and doors when I am in my room, except when I need light to say prayers, to read, or to eat.

The Spiritual Exercise of St. Ignatius of Loyola, trans Louis J Puhl

I should not laugh or say anything that would cause laughter.

The Spiritual Exercise of St. Ignatius of Loyola, trans Louis J Puhl

I should restrain my eyes except to look up in receiving or dismissing one with whom I have to speak.

The Spiritual Exercise of St. Ignatius of Loyola, trans Louis J Puhl

Ignatius gives these additions on the context of the First week, when we are contemplating sin and the grace we are asking for is sorrow and shame for our sins. The general idea is to make our enviroment conducive to our prayer.

So, here I am, I have finished my work for a bit and prepared my environment and my mind to spend this time alone with God in these unusual circumstances. I am up to date and taking a pause from my Journey with Julian of Norwich to be open to the process with the director. Am I concerned about distractions? about the world crowding in? Yes I am, and I am already prepared for how I might handle that. It comes in the form of a story in Anthony de Mello’s book, The Song of the Bird, called The Monk and the Woman:

Two Buddhist monks, on their way to the monastery, found an exceedingly beautiful woman at the riverbank. Like them, she wished to cross the river, but the water was too high. So one of the monks lifted her onto his back and carried her across.

His fellow monk was thoroughly scandalised. For two hours he berated him on his negligence on keeping the rule: Had he forgotten he was a monk? How did he dare touch a woman? And worse, carry her across the river? What would people say? Had he not brought their holy religion into disrepute? And so on.

The offending monk patiently listened to the never-ending sermon. Finally, he broke in with:

Brother, I dropped that woman at the river. Are you still carrying her?

Glennfinnan Viaduct, Scotland
IGR 2020 3: Reading of this post.

So, I will not be despondant that this is not the ideal situation in which to make my retreat: I will not listen to the desolating voices seeking to disrupt this time and I will not hold on to the noise around me, or the distractions, or any interruptions, if my daughters do not quite understand and ask me something, or if I have to answer the door. I am doing all that I can to be available to the One who loves me as if I were the only person in the whole world, and if it is enough for Him, it is enough for me. I am looking forward to it as much as I have any other retreat.

I will see you on the other side. There will be no Journey with Julian or Reflection next week, but the Prayer and the Diary entries are already scheduled, and I will be back to normal after next Sunday.

Imaginative Contemplation: The Canaanite Woman’s Faith

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A

Here, as stated before, it is my intention to draw from the forthcoming Sunday liturgy and to offer a guided prayer on one of the pieces of scripture in the same way that we have been doing in Exploring Personal Prayer. I do not intend to offer any reflections on the scripture. My suggestion is that you follow the Ignatian structure: preparation for prayer by reading the scripture, going to your prayer place and doing the prayer itself, and then moving away to another place and doing a review of the prayer. Keeping some sort of prayer journal is good practice. Note any moments of consolation in the prayer, where you felt drawn more deeply into God, and moments of desolation, where prayer was disturbed, where you were distracted and pulled further away from God: feelings of attraction and repulsion should be noted. These points may provide areas for repetition of the prayer. Also, if you have a spiritual director or prayer partner, someone who can listen with an ear to where God is in this, it may be worth sharing your prayer with them. I am following the processes outline in the prayer cards above. You may print these onto A6 or A4 card to have in your prayer space to help you become accustomed to this way of praying, remembering it is more of a flow than a rigid structure.  

I have chosen to leapfrog the Lectio Divina this week that I had originally intended to do because this particular gospel story is calling to me at this time, and I felt drawn to present this imaginative contemplation instead.

The Canaanite Woman’s Faith

Matthew 15:21-28

21 Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. 22 Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, ‘Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon.’ 23 But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, ‘Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us.’ 24 He answered, ‘I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.’ 25 But she came and knelt before him, saying, ‘Lord, help me.’ 26 He answered, ‘It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.’ 27 She said, ‘Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.’ 28 Then Jesus answered her, ‘Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.’ And her daughter was healed instantly

Imaginative contemplation: The Canaanite Woman’s faith. Guided prayer.

Background music is the album: Keith Halligan – Lifestyle Meditation, Global Journey  

Diary of a Sunflower: 12 August, year 3

The diary entries are extracts from my spiritual journey, going back about twenty years.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

It was nice to talk to my companion today. I feel more calm now. Maybe the fear of reliving the pain I feel because of my dad’s death (and to a certain extent Desolation’s) is actually worse than the pain itself. I don’t want it, but as my companion pointed out, Jesus didn’t want that cup either! Maybe holding on and not letting go is about more than that. How deep can you go? There is comfort and compassion; a suffering with. All this God talk feels alien to me again, after staying away for so long. I guess that is something I will have to put right. My companion has given me a book to read: “I Heard the Owl Call My Name” by Margaret Craven. It is about sadness and death. I’m just getting into it. 

I finished the book and I wrote a letter to my dad. The floodgates have not opened. I miss my dad, and I feel sad at losing him. but I don’t think I will go back to the intensity of the pain I felt when he first died. I am not unresolved at his death. I have accepted it. There are no floodgates holding back waves of unexpressed grief (and not for Desolation either). The fear has gone from me and I think, I hope, I will be okay to let myself go deep into this prayer and this retreat. I finished the book my companion gave me. It was poignant, sad and beautiful. Mark found his true self before he died. 

I meditated on Matthew 11: 28-30 earlier. 

I sat with JC at the piano for a while and then we were at the Opera. He sat back in His chair with His fingers together – a bit like Dumbledore – and He listened. It was an angel singing and she rose from the stage (the Opera house in Rome). It was mesmerising. We then went to the Colosseum. We stood at the wooden pathway and looked at the cross there. It seemed bigger now than when I was there in January. There is a bitter sweet irony of the cross in the Colosseum, but He pointed out that it was the cross all Christians bear – right from the beginning, from those who died at the hands of the Romans in the Colosseum. I have mine to carry too. 

This evening I meditated on the reading from John 1: 35-39 again. 

This time when I went with Him we walked further, holding hands; sometimes He had His arm around my shoulder and mine around His waist. The river was on our right and I was wearing sandles and my retreat clothes. The place at the well was on the other side of the river when we stopped for a rest and it couldn’t be reached. We were leaving it behind. I noticed that we were walking against the way that the river of my life was flowing and He said: 

There is no time: no past, no future, no present. Time did not exist.

Walking in that direction seemed to mean the same as swimming against the tide. (But the salmon in the book were carried with it backwards anyway!). Then we were walking away from Jerusalem and the well, and the river on the other side. This time I was dressed for walking – with boots, a small day sack, water and a cap. I said I would follow Him. He told me the road would be long and hard and that there was no destination – I would not know (or He would not tell me) where we were going. I said I would go anyway. Then we were dancing a Viennese waltz. It made me dizzy and breathless and I started laughing. It reminded me of when I’d done that dance with the Chinese boy at university. The trick is to relax, to let go and let Him take the lead. Don’t try to control it – that’s when you fall over. The key to success is to follow His lead! The walking was brisk, sportif. It made me hot and sweaty and raised my heartbeat. Not just a gentle stroll then. But I will go

Thank you for the Music

Thank you for the Music 1 : Reading of this post.

I have been thinking a lot about my dad recently. Perhaps it is because I have been writing about the aftermath of his death so many years ago in the Diary of a Sunflower, perhaps it is because I have been thinking and writing about Al Anon and the Twelve Steps, or perhaps it is because in the Journey with Julian of Norwich that I am praying with, the Mother God imagery is so prevalent, that it is also stimulating a dwelling on the image of Father God, and subsequently, thoughts of my own dad. It is probably all of these things that bring memories of him to the forefront of my mind. My eldest brother did the eulogy at the requiem mass for my dad and as he was preparing it, he asked each of us, my brothers and sisters, for a memory of my dad that was special to us. Mine was that my dad was always singing: he had an extensive knowledge of Scottish poetry and folk music, and he was always singing out loud. But he did not sing whole songs, just a couple of lines of many songs. So I have in my head the words to many Scottish songs, but not the whole song. It is a voyage of discovery when I hear a familiar tune, a few familiar lines, to then listen to the whole song. Here is an example, where the chorus and the first line were very familiar to me, but I had to find the full song, and even what it was called. This video clip has interjections from the excellent series “Outlander”, and other scenes from Scotland: although, the Outlander scenes are not about a woman losing her baby, or it being taken metaphorically by fairies, which is what the lullaby is about, based on Celtic mythology, I think. Outlander does have a scene in a later episode where a woman leaves her sickly child in the woods for the fairies to take, but that is a whole other story that is not really relevant here.

Thank you for the Music 2 : Reading of this post.

My children told me once that sometimes they would have a conversation about both parents, and the subject of one of those conversations was what quirky things they would miss if that particular parent died. They told me that they both agreed that what they would miss of me was that, sometimes when we were driving along playing music, a song would come on and I would turn it up and exclaim:

I love this song! This is about a conversation with God. Can’t you just imagine Him saying this to you?

Here is one of those songs, which expresses the joy and delight God takes in loving us, just as we are:

Thank you for the Music 3 : Reading of this post.

I have written before about how St. Ignatius encourages us to apply our senses to our imaginative contemplations, to use our memory, imagination and reason to help ground our experience in our bodies, to bring God more deeply into our reality. We call it the Application of the Senses, and it is a feature of repetition described in The Spiritual Exercises.

After the preparatory prayer and three preludes, it will be profitable with the aid of the imagination to apply the five senses to the subject matter of the First and Second Contemplation…

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius trans. Louis J. Puhl S.J.

Since I have written about one of the senses explicitly before, it feels about time to dwell on another, and in particular, the aspect of hearing that is music. Like smelling fragrance, hearing music is very powerfully evocative and is also very much in the language God uses to speak to us. I am in complete agreement with Aldous Huxley here:

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Aldous Huxley

I remember clearly the imaginative contemplation where “Jamming with God” became a regular feature in my prayer. The director had suggested I pray with the part of the gospel where John the Baptist points out the Lamb of God to two of his followers:

The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. 38 When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi’ (which translated means Teacher), ‘where are you staying?’ 39 He said to them, ‘Come and see.’ They came and saw where he was staying, and they remained with him that day’

John 1: 37-39a

When I went with Him to the place where He lived, we went to a house, constructed in a golden rectangle, with an arrangement of rooms as a golden spiral within that, and the Father and the Holy Spirit were there. This place appears often as the location of my colloquies in prayer, the conversation with God, as one friend speaks to another. Together, we spent the afternoon playing music, and there was also coffee and triple chocolate cake. But more of the latter another day, when I write about another of the senses. In my imagination, we played this following piece of music together:

Thank you for the Music 4 : Reading of this post.

In “The Fragrance of God“, I described the Father as the base note (Jasmine), Jesus as the middle note (Lavender) and the Holy Spirit as the top note (Ylang Ylang). I was talking about essential oils then, and I included myself as cedarwood, the combination making a single fragrance that is my relationship with, and my place in God, where nuances can be distinguished amidst the whole. So it is with music. In the piece by Sky, I imagine Jesus playing the piano – I have mentioned that I imagine Him playing piano before – and drums, The Father is on the bass, and the Holy Spirit is playing the acoustic and electric guitar. I am playing the melody on classical guitar, and it is my life, my soul, my story we are describing here. There are no words, the music is expressing it.

When I read Revelations of Divine Love by Julian of Norwich some years ago (rather than the present Journey I am doing), I developed an understanding of what I call “God time”. When she talked about the servant falling into the pit, in Revelations of Divine Love, she describes this as the Fall, not just the original Fall of our first parents in the garden of Eden, but also, simultaneously, the fall of Jesus into humanity, and so to bring about our redemption. I may of course, have oversimplified what Julian said, but what is significant in my understanding in what she said is that I realised that God was outside of time: to God, the past, present and the future are happening all at the same time. As the child planting sunflowers, seeing them grow was like watching time lapse photography, but instead of everything moving at speed, only the thing you were looking at moved, everything else stayed as it was – time only affecting what you are looking at is an aspect of God time.

It is like this also listening to music and jammimg with God. When I pick out something to listen to in the piece, a particular voice, I see that player, at that time. There can be more than one aspect of God playing simultaneously, but if I am listening to the drum part, I see Jesus playing drums. I may be aware of the piano playing, but when I switch my attention to the piano, I see Jesus playing piano. I can only be in the present, seeing and hearing the now, where I am, but God is not: God is everything and everywhere, all at the same time, and music is an expression of it.

Perhaps you could close your eyes and listen like this to the next piece of music? I imagine the Father on both the cello and the lute, and Jesus on the hapsichord. The Holy Spirit is on all of the violins. Pick out one voice at a time and focus on it, follow the flow of it, move to the next. Notice the movement within you.

Thank you for the Music 5 : Reading of this post.

To experience music is one way of applying our senses to allow our soul to hear the voice of God. My invitation to you is to notice exactly how it is that music connects you to God, both in prayer and in your life in general. And maybe, if it is relevant, to offer a grateful prayer.

Diary of a Sunflower: 11 August, year 3

The diary entries are extracts from my spiritual journey, going back about twenty years.

No, I tell you this because I was told to tell it – by what you might call ‘ a higher authority’ – and truth is, the thought of how to tell it has taxed me for so many years.

Miss Garnet’s Angel, Sally Vickers

I’m on retreat again. I just arrived this afternoon and had dinner. Meeting the directors in less than an hour – I hope I have the same companion as the first time again. I’ve changed the week I was going to come to be here to when she was going to be here, and I’ve requested to have her as my companion. I hope they have obliged. I’m quite nervous about this retreat because I’ve had a really rough year. Although I’ve tried to meditate latterly, it hasn’t been as regularly or as deeply as before my dad died. Part of me is scared to go there for fear of unlocking floodgates that are holding back more pain. Still, this is the place to open them and let it all out. But I’m not without trepidation. I’ve rearranged my room as usual – the beds are just too soft here. Now I’m just waiting to begin. 

I did my first meditation. I’m scared to let go. I try to analyse each image during the meditation – I think it keeps me holding on and stops me from getting too deeply into it. I cried for my dad – there’s my fear.  

There was an image of Jesus playing the piano, Diva’s piano, in a room that is a mixture of the John Lennon “Imagine” video, the large windows in the sitting room of this place and the picture that Dishonesty and Unknowing have in their living room. It was comforting, soothing. What do I want from God? I want to lose the fear inside of me – the panicky feeling inside my stomach. I want to be able to go into my meditations like I did before; to not be afraid of the feelings I might tap into and the intensity of them. I want to be with JC. The other image I saw was the bitter wine – not a jug, but in an unopened bottle on the table. There was the golden eagle my dad showed me in Morar, and the well. I fell into the well, but never reached the bottom, and as I was falling, it became a waterfall. 

Praying with Images: Jesus Walks on Water

Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A

Here, as stated before, it is my intention to draw from the forthcoming Sunday liturgy and to offer a guided prayer on one of the pieces of scripture in the same way that we have been doing in Exploring Personal Prayer. I do not intend to offer any reflections on the scripture. My suggestion is that you follow the Ignatian structure: preparation for prayer by reading the scripture, going to your prayer place and doing the prayer itself, and then moving away to another place and doing a review of the prayer. Keeping some sort of prayer journal is good practice. Note any moments of consolation in the prayer, where you felt drawn more deeply into God, and moments of desolation, where prayer was disturbed, where you were distracted and pulled further away from God: feelings of attraction and repulsion should be noted. These points may provide areas for repetition of the prayer. Also, if you have a spiritual director or prayer partner, someone who can listen with an ear to where God is in this, it may be worth sharing your prayer with them. I am following the processes outline in the prayer cards above. You may print these onto A6 or A4 card to have in your prayer space to help you become accustomed to this way of praying, remembering it is more of a flow than a rigid structure.  

Seiger Koder: Jesus walks on water.
Praying with Images: Jesus walks on water, guided prayer

Jesus Walks on the Water

Matthew 14:22-33

22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land,[a] for the wind was against them. 25 And early in the morning he came walking towards them on the lake. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified, saying, ‘It is a ghost!’ And they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, ‘Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.’

28 Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ 29 He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came towards Jesus. 30 But when he noticed the strong wind,[b] he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ 32 When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshipped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’

Background music is the album: Keith Halligan – Lifestyle Meditation, Global Journey  

40 Day Journey with Julian of Norwich: Day 31

But because of our own inconsistancy, we often fall in to sin. [Then] the prompting of our enemy …and our own folly and blindness…say: You know well that you are a wretch, a sinner and also unfaithful…Often you promise our Lord that you will do better, and then you fall again into the same state, especially into sloth and wasting of time, for that, as I see it, is the beginning of sin. And this makes [us] afraid to appear before our courteous Lord. Thus it is our enemy who wants to retard us with his false suggestions of fear about our wretchedness…For it is his purpose to make us so depressed and sad in this matter that we should forget the blessed contemplation of our everlasting friend…So this is the remedy, that we aknowledge our wretchedness and flee to our Lord; for always, the more abased we are, the more profitable it is for us to touch him.

Reading: Revelation 12: 10c – 11a

Psalm 127: 2