Tag: spiritual exercises

Contemplation in Action

sunflowerseedspirituality1 Comment

With the school holidays coming to an end, and with my post last week on discerning whether to remain in work we do not want to do, I have been thinking about work and the discussion which took place at the Norwich Christian Meditation event I went to. Fr. Korko spent some time looking at Contemplation in Action (Karma Yoga). He drew on the Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita (The Song of God) and the Bible to elucidate an attitude to our work that is consistent with what Ignatius describes in the First Principle and Foundation, and in the Contemplatio of the Spiritual Exercises.

3.5.2. Work with noble motive.

Yesu Nama Japan (The Practice of Jesus Prayer), Korkoniyas Moses S.J.

Whatever you eat, drink or do, do everything for the glory of God.

1 Cor 10:31

Whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer in sacrifice, whatever you give away as charity and whatever austerity you perform do that as an offering unto me.

Bh. Gita 9:27

In the Principle and Foundation of the Exercises, Ignatius says:

Our one desire and choice should be what is more conducive to the end for which we are created.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

and that is:

…to praise, reverence and serve God our Lord,

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

Hence, the first thing to consider in our work is the reason we are doing that particular job: we may or may not enjoy the work we are doing, but the question for us really to consider in our hearts is how does it help, or not help us, praise , reverence and serve God. It might be we need to change our work if it leads us away from God, or we need to change our own attitude to the work we are doing. I know I said in my last post that I could not bear to watch or put clips from the Green Mile, but the ending might be relevant here (spoiler alert):

The scene, although not exactly an imaginative contemplation about what decision something might want to have made when considering it from their death bed, it has echoes of it. Had he fully appreciated what was moving in him at the time, would he have made different decisions about how he responded within his work? With respect to those not making a change to their material situation, Ignatius says:

…to propose a way for each to reform his manner of living in his state by setting before him the purpose of his creation and of his life and position, namely, the glory and praise of God our Lord and the salvation of his soul.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

And it was largely around this point that the discussion took place; if I do not want to do the job I am doing, and I recognise that I am working with noble motive and for the greater glory of God, I can keep going.

I was struck recently about James Martin’s commentary in Jesus A Pilgrimage, in the chapter on Parables, where he describes a perspective on the Parable of the Talents, given by Barbara Reid. It is worth giving the detail here. He says:

The third servant, she believes, is the honorable one, because he refused to cooperate with a system in which the master continues to accrue large amounts of money while others are poor.

Reid sees the parable as a warning “about the ease with which people can be co-opted by an unjust system,” while also encouraging disciples to expose unfettered greed. She believes that the last verse shows what happens to those who “blow the whistle” on the rich and powerful.

Jesus A Pilgrimage, James Martin S.J.

It is the phrase of “manner of living” and these two ideas that are converging in my mind. What if we remain in our current state, or work, and look to change the manner in which we live within it? What would have happened if Paul Edgecomb (the character played by Tom Hanks in the Green Mile) had acted on the movements within him, and refused to execute John Coffey? Would it inevitably lead him to refuse to walk the Green Mile with others, and therefore put him in a position where his employment in the prison was completely untenable? Barbera Reid refers specifically to greed in her interpretation, but the principle can be applied to all areas where there are unjust power structures, where we cooperate with the structures of sin in the world.

In contrast to slaves, who live in servile fear of a greedy master who metes out cruel punishment to those who will not go along with this program for self-aggrandizement, Jesus’s disciples live with trust in God, whose equitable love emboldens them to work for justice here and now while awaiting ultimate fulfillment.

Jesus A Pilgrimage, James Martin S.J.

Difficult questions…where can we stand up and say no to the unjust, immoral practices we encounter in our work, without having to make the decision to walk away completely, or be made to leave? I have done it several times, and it is not comfortable.

3.5.2 Work dutifully with gratitude.

Yesu Nama Japan (The Practice of Jesus Prayer), Korkoniyas Moses S.J.

This section is grounded in the Contemplatio, or more accurately, Contemplation to Attain the Love of God, which comes at the end of the Spiritual Exercises, and the point is, not to earn the love of God, that is already given, but to learn to love as God loves. And the first point that Ignatius makes is that:

…love ought to manifest itself in deeds rather than in words.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

and Ignatius suggests that we:

…recall to mind the blessings of creation and redemption, and the special favours I have received.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

We are encouraged to see all that supports us as gift, and from here, we are moved to gratitude to God, and desire to work for His purposes in the world so that we regard:

…all our works, our responsibilities, and all of our actions as a contribution to the welfare of the world.

Yesu Nama Japan (The Practice of Jesus Prayer), Korkoniyas Moses S.J.

3.5.3 Work as an instrument of God.

Yesu Nama Japan (The Practice of Jesus Prayer), Korkoniyas Moses S.J.

When we consider of God that:

He conducts Himself as one who labours.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

then:

When we collaborate with God in the work of His creation we become like Him.

Yesu Nama Japan (The Practice of Jesus Prayer), Korkoniyas Moses S.J.

I love this idea that in our work, we are collaborating with God and becoming like Him…it is the seed of God, growing into God as described in the Meister Eckhart quote in the header. Fr. Korko expresses the attitude that the ability and opportunity to work is a gift, and that when we work, we are instruments in the hands of God. It is from this context that the question from my last post was posed. I mentioned that I had had periods where I was not filled with joy and zest at going into work, but that I had kept in mind what had drawn me into the work in the first place (first time choice). I’m thinking specifically of when I had glandular fever and subsequently experienced chronic fatigue. Here, it illustrates the example of noble motive: I was struggling with the work, but focus on my reasons for being there was part of what kept me going into work. Being grateful for my job, and the support I was given to enable me to be there as much as possible, in spite of the difficulty, something that was expressed in my examen at the end of the day, was also important.

Can be printed onto A3 (or A4) card to have in your prayer spot if it helps you to remember the process.

It kept me aware that health and opportunity to work were not given to everyone, and the benefits of autonomy and security were not to be taken for granted. How many people are only one decision, an illness or unfortunate occurrence away from being on the streets? Also important was the grace I always asked for in my morning prayer: the energy and the strength to do and be what He would have me do and be today. Ignatius encourages us to ask for the graces we desire at the beginning of our prayer, and in doing so, we are handing ourselves over to be instruments of God.

Can be printed onto A3 (or A4) card to have in your prayer spot if it helps you to remember the process.

And again, receiving such grace was also a point of gratitude at the end of the day. And there were days when the answer was:

Not today. You need to rest today.

And I would sleep for several hours, with a sense of relief that at least for today, I did not have to fight against the lethargy in my body.

Contemplation in action, in relation to the work we do, brings God right into the heart of what we do: our work is not separate from our faith in God, it is the means by which God can act in the world when we allow ourselves to be His instruments in the world. Being mindful of God in all things and living consciously and reflectively opens us to this potential.

Is it God’s will for us to remain in work we don’t want to do?

sunflowerseedspirituality1 Comment

This was a challenging question asked during a session at Fr. Korko’s quiet day at the Christian Meditation Centre. As far as I could follow, the discussion mostly centred about how we remain in work we don’t want to do, which implies the underlying assumption that the answer to the question is “Yes”. And while I acknowledge that “Yes” is a possible answer to this question, so also is: “No”, “Maybe”. “Depends”, “For the time being anyway”, “Until such times as…”. And the answer will depend on the individual, the context, the timing and any other number of factors unique to the one asking the question. It is a question of personal discernment:

For me, for now, for good.

Considering the “for good” part, and that Ignatius is encouraging us to choose between good and what is more for the Glory of God, rather than between good and evil, and I thought as long as your job is not immoral, say killing people, because that would fall into the latter category – breaking one of the commandments. I was then brought up short by the memory of a couple of scenes from the film The Green Mile, with Tom Hanks in it. I realised that I am lucky to live in a time and a place where there is no capital punishment, but what if I didn’t? What if I were on death row, wouldn’t I prefer the executioner to soberly carry the weight of their responsibility, rather than have a lust for it? The Tom Hanks character, rather than the other younger guard? (It is on my list of “too painful to watch twice” films, so I won’t put any clips on here.) An executioner who shows compassion…an oxymoron? But I’m digressing. Suffice to say, a spiritual direction conversation around discernment with the Tom Hanks character at the height of his career might be interesting. More on that next time I think.

So, St. Ignatius to the rescue. Let us assume the job you are doing is moral and good. In the Spiritual Exercises, he outlines for us three different ways that a choice such as the one in question might be made, and some guidelines to help us to discern God’s voice and God’s will for us, and he calls them first, second and third time, but it is not that you make a choice using all three times in this order. Let me illustrate with examples from my own experience and work.

First time choice is the most infrequent. It involves a revelation, about which there is no doubt at the time, there is a desire for it and it is possible to follow through on it. I have experienced this twice in my life regarding the work I do, with respect to becoming a teacher and secondly, a spiritual director.

In the first case, I was studying for my PhD and I was at a Catholic Student Council conference on Education. We were in a discussion group about privilege and responsibility, and examining the question of what the ethos in a church school should look like. I remember feeling very lucky and grateful that I was able to engage in education to the level that I wanted to, and there came – I can only describe it as a booming voice – which said:

Be a teacher!

It was a real Damascus moment for me, since not long previously, when I had been asked, I had vehemently asserted that I would not touch teaching with a ten foot barge pole! I had no doubt about who the voice belonged to. The rest, as they say, is history, and twenty seven years later, here I am, still in the classroom four days a week. Not every day or every part of my work has been filled joyfully with a zest for it, sometimes it has been a real drag, and for periods that have lasted a long time, but I have used this example in response to the question asked in the title of this post. It is bringing to mind the original moment of consolation that set me on that particular path that has sustained me through the difficult times: I was certain about why I was there doing what I was doing. To the person asking the question in the title I would ask:

What drew you into the work you are doing in the first place?

Second time choice is more difficult to my mind, and involves much angst, a lot of to-ing and fro-ing, doubts, certainties, oscillation; what is called “turmoil of spirits”. We are arguing within and outwith ourselves at this point and it is pretty exhausting. Giving voice to a spiritual director of the push and pull, the attraction and the repulsion going on is invaluable in my experience. After my first time choice of training to be a spiritual director, I entered a period of questioning about it…it would mean going part time, less financial security as well as stability, it took two hours to travel to where the course was held…the list went on, and the decision had to be made very promptly, because of the way schools have to sort out staffing for the following academic year quite early. I felt under pressure to decide or delay making the decision for another year. My director logically, asked about making the decision to go part time now, and of applying for the course later, if I had doubts about the course. By the time I sat down on the train to go home, I realised that it was fear of going part time that was getting in the way, not my desire to do the course. This would be an example of the first rule Ignatius gives to help us with second time choice:

The love that moves and causes one to choose must descend from above, that is, from the love of God, so that before one chooses he should perceive that the greater or less attachment for the object of his choice is solely because of His Creator and Lord.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans. Louis J. Puhl S.J.

And so I realised that training to become a spiritual director was the attraction drawing me to God: fear of the consequences of going part time in order to do it was getting in the way, and that the fear was not of God. And when I put my MP3 player on, this was the song that played first:

Maggie Said: Natalie Merchant.

Holding back, what did I get for all of that? What did it count for? Tell me that, tell me that. Nothing, nothing, that’s a fact.

Maggie Said: Natalie Merchant,

I even wrote the chorus down. It haunted me, it was like a conversation wth an older version of myself – a very practical example of Ignatius’ third rule to help with second time choice:

This is to consider what procedure and norm of action I would wish to have followed in making the present choice if I were at the moment of death. I will guide myself by this and make my decision entirely in conformity with it.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans. Louis J. Puhl S.J.

And my decision was made, turmoil over. Ignatius gives another two suggestions in the first and fourth rules which involve considering what advice you would give to someone you have never met before who was struggling with the exact same decision to choose for the greater glory of God and also to picture yourself in front of God on your day of judgment and ask yourself which decision you would have wished to have made.

To the person asking the question and experiencing turmoil of spirits I would ask:

What is holding you in your current work?

And I would explore with them their fears, desires and motivations. I might ask:

What is preventing you from looking for a different job?

And I would definitely ask:

What happens when you put all this to God in prayer? How does He respond?

Third time choice is a means of making a choice when we are tranquil; when there is no push or pull, and one choice seems as another. Ignatius gives us a useful and practical tool. I used this method to decide whether to apply for a job in a different school.

I should apply for the job at School. I should NOT apply for the job at School.
Advantages Disadvantages Advantages Disadvantages

Church school – ethos  
Has a prayer room!  
Energy to pursue spiritual direction 		Hassle of moving when I’m settled  
Would feel disloyal to people who have supported me   		Familiarity – established here   Good colleagues I know I work well with Have not enjoyed being here since last years stress

Notice the choice is framed as both a positive and negative, and the advantages and disadvantages of both are considered. It is more subtle than a staightforward list of pros and cons, and it is not the number of reasons in each column that is important, but the weight given to each of them. It draws out the different desires that are motivating us, even when we think we have no strong feelings about the decision. Also notice how specific the decision is – I can only discern for myself, and the only choice I had here was whether to apply for the job or not. Whether I was offered the job was someone else’s discernment, and whether I would accept it if offered it was yet another choice to be discerned. Above is only a small section of my grid but before I had finished it, I knew that I wanted to apply for the job, and I was also sure that, failing a terrible experience there, I would accept it if offered it. I have been there a year now and have not doubted the rightness of the choice for a moment.

To the person asking the question in the title, if they are tranquil (and the question itself and the way it was asked suggests not), but if they were, I would suggest trying Ignatius’ grid for themselves.

And finally, after making a choice by whatever way, Ignatius suggests that:

…the one who has made it must turn with great diligence to prayer in the presence of God our Lord, and offer Him his choice that the Divine Majesty may deign to accept and confirm it if it is for His greater service and praise.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, trans. Louis J. Puhl S.J.

Remembering that the absence of anything to contradict the decision can also be regarded as confirmation.

Answering the question in the title of this post is a very individual process. Ignatius describes ways of going about it which are helpful, and conversations with a spiritual director invaluable in helping the seeker find a way through until in the end, the choice is offered to God. In my experience, there is a deep, sustaining peace about choices made like this.

A conversation between friends.

sunflowerseedspirituality3 Comments

I went to the meditation event run by the Norwich Christian Meditation Centre and it has given me much food for thought. The first, and maybe most obvious thing to explore is that Fr. Korko, being a Jesuit, has integrated aspects of The Spiritual Exercises with other aspects of his Indian culture. St. Ignatius tells us that:

The Spiritual Exercises must be adapted to the condition of the one who is to engage in them, that is, to his age, education and talent.

Annotation 18; The Spiritual Exercises trans: Loius J. Puhl, S.J

Fr. Korko used the specific term “Spiritual Exercises” near the beginning of the day and from his Jesuit background, and from his teaching on the day itself, we can infer that he means:

By the term “Spiritual Exercises” is meant every method of examination of conscience, of meditation, of contemplation, of vocal and mental prayer, and of other spiritual activities…so we call Spiritual Exercises every way of preparing and disposing the soul to rid itself of all inordinate attachments…

Annotation 1; The Spiritual Exercises trans: Loius J. Puhl, S.J

His interweaving of the Exercises and his Indian culture was seamless, and presented as a conversation between East and West, and between West and East, a true representation of God in All Things.

For example, there was an image of Christ the Guru, not this particular one, but the video illustrates the principle I am trying to elucidate.

It reminded me of a time I visited the Westminster Interfaith project and I met the founder/director, Brother Daniel Faivre SG, one of the most inspiring people I have ever had the privilege to meet in my life. Like Fr. Korko, his mystic character, as described by Wayne Teasdale in The Mystic Heart, was evident.

Summarised from The Mystic Heart by Wayne Teasdale

And I remembered visiting the mosque, and the Sikh and Hindu temples that day, seeing how highly regarded Br. Daniel was by the other faith leaders, and how our group was welcomed into each by the communities there as guests and friends. This conversation moved me and has stayed with me all these years: as has another comment about the day from one of our group:

Yes, but all of those deities would have to go.

It saddened me. Here “Deep is calling to deep” as the psalmist sings, and the blue note was not heard by all who were there. It is the insistence that I am right, and you are wrong, and you need to come over to my way of doing things.

It’s let him live in freedom. If he lives like me.

Jim Croce. Which way are you goin’?

It seems to me that God is far more generous than this – we only have to look at how Jesus behaves towards Samaritans, the Syro-Phoenician woman, the Roman centurian. Openness, listening, seeing, profound peace – these are some of the fruits of the spiritual journey.

Summarised from The Mystic Heart by Wayne Teasdale

A few years ago, I was on retreat at St Beunos in North Wales and I was wandering in the herb garden. There was a bed there that had seven different varieties of lavender: all clearly recognisable by their scent, even though each was subtly different. I had a conversation with God about it, as one friend speaks to another:

“Why have you made so many things that are very similar but are variations on a theme?” I asked Him.

“When you draw and paint mandalas, why do you do so many that are similar, but with slight variations?” He asked me.

I thought about it for a moment before answering. “Well, I have all of these ideas in my head, and I can’t decide which one I like best, so I do them all.”

“Exactly.” He said. “That is how it is for me. I have all these fantastic ideas and I can’t decide which is best, so I make them all.”

It seems to me then to be very disingenuous for one variety to turn round to the others and say:

Yes, but you’re not true lavender, are you?

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties I spent some years attending a twelve step fellowship, and I wrestled with the third step:

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Alcoholics Anonymous, Step 3 of the Twelve Steps.

There is a whole journey in this step alone, but here, I’m specifically referring to the last part: God, as we understood Him. When I listen to people in my capacity as a spiritual director I realise that everyone understands God differently, according to their own unique experience of being in relationship with Him; and I am listening for the One I know in what they are saying. When I hear of Him, my love for Him deepens, as does my love for the person telling me about Him: I get to view my beloved through the eyes of another. And I do recognise Him in the story of the other when I think: “Yes, that is just like Him.”

That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet;

Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare.

You might have experienced such a thing by meeting someone who is a friend of a friend. It’s natural then to swap some stories of the mutual friend, and this only enhances love for both your friend, and the friend of your friend.

I don’t consider it my place to deny or criticise another persons experience of God, wherever they are coming from; I do consider that I have a role, as a spiritual director, to listen and to help someone to discern for themselves what is of God, and what is not of God, just as others do the same for me. And here, as further food for thought, I offer Natalie Merchant’s song of the poem by John Godfrey Saxe, and a mind map of the guidelines for inter-religious understanding discussed in The Mystic Heart by Wayne Teasdale. This inter-mystical bridge is good ground from which open-hearted, respectful and loving conversations can take place with others that have a different perspective from our own. The Ignatian way is that God is found in all things, and we can ask for the grace to find Him in all things, including in conversations with others of different cultures, denominations and faiths, and even of no professed faith, as one friend speaks to another. Imagine a world where we all spoke to one another as friends.

The Blind Men and the Elephant. Poem by John Godfrey Saxe, song by Natalie Merchant.
Summarised from The Mystic Heart by Wayne Teasdale

Coming soon…

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment

The same programme as at Sheringham and Cromer earlier in the year. All are welcome to attend who can get there. The booklet is given below if you want to print it for yourself.

Image on flyer: Stained Glass of St. Ignatius at Loyola Castle (thejesuitpost.org)

Amazing Grace

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment
Part of an Art Installation in London, on Wilberforce and the Abolition of Slavery.

I watched the film Amazing Grace last week for the second time, about William Wilberforce and his long campaign leading the abolitionists to end slavery in the United Kingdom. There is much in the story that moved me, but there is one small, short, and maybe even overlooked scene, that remains with me, and indeed did so after the first viewing of the film (about 14 minutes 8 secs into the film). It takes place just after he has sung Amazing Grace to the politicians. Wilberforce is in his grounds admiring plant life and spiders webs, and has an open conversation with his butler about how God has found him. He says:

It’s God. I have ten thousand engagements of state today but I would prefer to spend the day out here, getting a wet arse, studying dandilions and marvelling at spiders webs.

William Wilberforce, from the film Amazing Grace,

And the scripture readings from last week, about Martha and Mary, also fed into my thoughts. It is the tension between contemplation and action: something I definitely feel daily, as I expect many people do in the busy, pressured world we live in. I am also reminded of The Way of Paradox, by Cyprian Smith:

When I emerge from a state of inner withdrawal and abandonment to God in prayer, and take up my duties in the everyday world, I am establishing a flow of energy whereby light, life, wisdom and power of heaven enter our world to enliven and transform it.

The Way of Paradox, Spiritual Life as taught by Meister Eckhart. Cyprian Smith

To me, the tension is necessary: it is creative. The desire for God is there, and becomes stronger, or perhaps we become more sensitive to it, as we practise prayer, and engage in the examen habitually. And this deepening relationship with God drives our action, according to our own personal vocation – there is no alternative. When we say Yes to God, it becomes our will too. It is the Contemplatio in the Spiritual Exercises:

The first is that love ought to manifest itself in deeds rather than in words.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola: trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

I guess the process is to ensure that with our cooperation and as far as we are able, we maintain the balance in our lives and flow appropriately from contemplation to action and to contemplation: God’s amazing grace will do the rest.

If you want to walk on water…get out of the boat.

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment
The Voyage of Brendan. Scanned from the Celtic Mandalas calendar by Jen Delyth. I’ve been buying and using this calendar every year for a long time, and I’ve been saving many of the images in my resource file for use in prayer. So much beauty and spirituality in her work. (Please click on the image to follow the link to her website.)

I played the Psalm 69 setting by Sons of Korah when I gave an assembly in school this week on the theme of: Facing our fears with courage. I took my inspiration from John Ortberg’s inspiring book, relating to the title of this post, and from Gerry W. Hughes S.J. from his book ” God in All Things” when he says:

Desire can only be controlled by a stronger desire.

Gerry W. Hughes S.J. God in All things

And I’m thinking here of the first being more superficial, inordinate desires born out of fear, perhaps leading to avoidance, sloth, self-loathing and other manifestations of spiritual desolation; and the stronger desire being that which is deeper, calling us into life, encouraging and strenghtening us, in other words, leading to spiritual consolation. While I talked about deeper desire and fear as something that gets in the way of it in my assembly, here, I want to focus on the video clip I showed from the film “The Shack”, (firstly a book) and to observe the movement in it in the context of an example, hypothetical or otherwise, of imaginative contemplation on the gospel passage where Jesus, and then Peter, walks on the water. (Matthew 14: 22-33)

Prayer card on Imaginative Contemplation. This may be printed onto A6 card (or bigger) to have in your prayer spot if it helps to remind you of the flow.

It might be worth filling in a little bit of background to the character. On a camping trip, Mack jumped into the lake to save his son from drowning when he got stuck in a capsised canoe. Unfortunately, Mack left his youngest daughter unattended at the camper van and she was abducted. All they found was her bloodied dress in an old shack in the forest. Mack has been tormented ever since. In this scene, Jesus has invited him to take the boat onto the lake to enjoy the peace and beauty of the place.

Mack’s imaginative contemplation of the gospel passage where Jesus walks on the water.

To begin with, we see the place: the peacefulness of the lake: we hear the birds and the paddles in the water, and can almost feel the breeze on our skin and the sun on our face. Mack is in the scene, rowing and he stops to let the peace sink in. It has been a while since he felt anything close to this peacefulness. And then the fear creeps in, anxious fear, despairing fear: and it pulls him away from the graced state of consolation he was momentarily in. In this turmoil, Jesus calls to him:

Look at me. Trust me. I’m not going anywhere.

And so Mack is interacting within the scene. Although there are recognisable elements, his experience of it does not follow the same plot as the gospel passage and that is not important; it is not something we should try to enforce. The imaginative contemplation takes a life of its own, as we trust in God to be with us, where we are; we experience Him up close and personal when we pray in this way. And of course, there is the colloquy towards the end of the scene, the conversation, where one friend speaks to another. Here, Jesus gently challenges Mack’s image of God and reveals what His desire is: to see people change by knowing Papa, to feel what it is like to be truly loved.

I would love to slow down the movement from the creeping fear to stepping out of the boat, to know more about what was going on in Mack during those moments. I would also want to know how it was for him to tell Jesus that he didn’t think he had ever felt like that. And I wonder how he felt at Jesus’ response to him saying that. I notice that these moments may be rich with spiritual fruit and that Mack might benefit from repetition of these points from his prayer.

When it is our deep desire connecting us to God that is driving us to do the things we do, fear may be present and it may even feel pervasive, but when we look at Him, and keep looking at Him, we find the courage to face those fears, and our trust in God deepens. Imaginative contemplation is one method of prayer that can help us to feel the depth of our own, and God’s desire.

More music – as a prayer to close.

Hillsong United: Oceans

Where do you pray?

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment
Prayer mandala

I have been thinking about my prayer spot recently because I have mentioned it a few times (Last week in Cromer, Meet you in the Morning) and I was reading a post on Ignatian Spirituality yesterday by Marina McCoy about giving herself a monthly retreat day.

Time in Silence

In the Spiritual Exercises, in the additions, Ignatius says:

The purpose of these directions is to help one to go through the exercises better and find more readily what he desires.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola; trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

and in the third addition he suggests that:

I will stand for the space of an Our Father, a step or two before the place where I am to meditate or contemplate…

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola; trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

The words in bold are mine, and here, I want to spend some time considering the nature of this place. I might just have a chair in the living room – I do, and I use it to pray sometimes. It faces a large picture of Jesus washing Peter’s feet by Seiger Koder. You can find it, with a reflection, at The Society of Jesus in South Africa.

This place is a very comfortable place to pray, and facing the image helps me to imagine how He is looking at me. It is not the place I pray most often though: it is where I go when I am struggling. I have a space set aside specifically for prayer in my room. I was being absolutely honest when I said that I go into my room and be alone with God. Currently it looks like this:

This is my prayer spot: it is a sacred space in my home that is set aside to spend time with God. I change the display and the flowers regularly, trying not to let it become stale. I may have the scripture open at the text I am praying with, but not always, and I have different cloths to change the meaning or mood, depending on what is going on in the liturgical season or in my life. Here, in ordinary time, and with my work on Exploring Personal Prayer, I have been sensing God’s joy and gladness, so I have chosen the brightly coloured cloth, which reminds me of the Resurrection, the Holy Spirit and in general, life in all of its fullness. I am currently using the chair, rather than the prayer stool, because, for some reason, I am resisting the discomfort of the latter. I have changed my position to one which is helping me to resist the resistance to prayer, and is therefore more fruitful, in line with the fourth addition of the Spiritual Exercises. Here are some others I have used at different times:

Used when I was training to be a spiritual director and was presenting The First Principle and Foundation. Suggestive of themes of creation, with undercurrents of Eden and hearts of stone, movement into the First Week.
Used at Sheringham in the week we were looking at images. There are no images on the table to distract from those chosen for prayer. The crimson suggests the divinity of Jesus.
The arrangement used at Sheringham for the session on imaginative contemplation. We were praying with the gospel passage from Matthew on the baptism of Jesus. The blue cloth represents the water, and the mandala artwork is called “River”. More on that at a later date.
This was my prayer spot for Holy Saturday this year. The cloth is purple, for the season of lent,and the doll is a symbol of myself as a loved sinner, and transformed by God in the process of the Spiritual Exercises. The painting is the one I did during the exercises on the day between the Crucifixion and the Resurrection. The poem is from Rumi:

I asked.

What about my eyes?

I will fill them with tears.

I asked.

What about my heart?

I will break it with sorrow.

I asked.

What about my body?

I will crush and throw it away.

Rumi

You get the general idea. So why do I go to this trouble? Simply, because I want to communicate with Him how important He is in my life. I’m giving Him space in my life by giving Him space. I take care, and put thought into making my prayer environment a special place in my home. It is a compliment to the One I meet there. It helps me to find more readily what I desire, which is a conscious awareness of His presence, and through it, the grace to become who He would have me be.

Holy Orders

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment

Against the backdrop of reading the articles about the Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry and Women in the Priesthood in The Tablet last week (29 June 2019), I went to the Ordination service of five new priests on Saturday in St. John the Baptist Cathedral in Norwich. And I was deeply moved, especially at the point where those being ordained promised obedience to the bishop and his successors. It occurred to me that such a promise is no small thing. And it was standing room only in the cathedral, so there were a lot of witnesses!

St John the Baptist Cathedral, Norwich. The view from my spot on the floor, and symbolic of my thoughts wandering to the structures within the church.

When a new head is appointed where I work, and this has happened a few times, I get to make a decision about whether I am able to accept the authority of that person: similarly, if I attend an interview to move somewhere else, I get the same opportunity. If I am unable to respect and accept the authority of that person, I can walk away. Whose authority we submit to is a big deal, and an act of free will. I am reminded of a scene from the film Mary Magdalene:

Mary Magdalene – Preaching to the Women, A Question of Obedience

One question I get asked a lot is:

Have you ever thought of becoming a nun?

My answer is always no; however, I must think about it when people ask me the question. To be a nun is to live in community and to obey the authority of the head of that community. I’m more of a spiritual solitary, to go into my room and be alone with God; to discern from my prayer, with the help and wisdom of my spiritual director, and with the guidance of scripture, the Spiritual Exercises (the rules on discernment are very helpful) and of course, the church. The primacy of conscience is important to me, always being aware of my tendency towards pride. So, to witness five men promising their obedience and service to someone who will direct them to where they will work and for how long, and to surrender themselves in faith to God in this path, filled me with awe and moved me: goosebumps and tears. It is a huge deal. It’s easy to forget that in the storm of the current crisis in the church. There are many faithful priests and they deserve our respect and support. We should cherish them. I am grateful that I went to the ordination service; it has left me with a greater appreciation of what is given by some in praise, reverence and service to God. I think I will take it less for granted in the future.

Calming the storm.

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment

I was praying with Pray As You Go yesterday morning and the scripture for the prayer was Matthew 8:23-27, when Jesus is asleep during the storm and the disciples wake Him up in their fear. The music played was Calm me, Lord – Fire of Love performed by Kevin Mayhew. The question was asked:

Do you ever feel that the Lord is asleep to the dangers and difficulties in your life?

Pray As You Go, Tuesday July 2, 2019

I found myself entering into the story imaginatively and the storm I imagined myself in was like the maelstrom in Pirates of the Caribbean:

Maelstrom – Pirates of the Caribbean: at Worlds End

Scary stuff! The last time I did an imaginative contemplation with this passage, which was some years ago, Jesus did wake up to calm the storm. Here however, when I observed that He was sleeping through all of the chaos, I noticed how peaceful He was, and I felt the desire to be able to do likewise: to be able to rest and feel secure, regardless of what was going on around me. I lay down beside Him, and snuggled into Him and closed my eyes. He pulled me closer and whispered to me:

I am keeping you very safe.

Revelations of Divine Love – Julian of Norwich

And I did feel safe as I sank into a deep, warm, restful sleep, being held close by Him. This consolation has remained with me since the prayer. On sharing it out loud with my own Spiritual Director, I realised that this is material for repetition. Of repetition, St Ignatius says:

In doing this, we should pay attention and dwell upon those points in which we have experienced greater consolation or desolation or greater spiritual appreciation.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, first week, third exercise: trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.

An analogy would be like taking a photograph (digital) of something, say a church, and noticing that when you look at it, there seems to be something of interest in the bell tower. You then put a more powerful lens on the camera to focus more closely on the point of interest so that you can see a lot more detail and up close. Making a repetition of a prayer in the way suggested by St Ignatius allows the experience to deepen, and to filter down to extract the essence, to savour the spiritual fruit of it. So, the focus on my next prayer period will be this consolation I experienced during the calming of the storm.

And now this. Enjoy.

How does He look at me?

sunflowerseedspiritualityLeave a comment
The flow through an Ignatian prayer period. You can print it onto A6 card to keep in your prayer spot.

A discussion recently on the question at the beginning of a prayer period “How does He look at me?” has been occupying my thoughts. The question is posed in this way to provoke me to:

…consider that God our Lord beholds me, etc

Third addition, The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius; trans Louis J. Puhl S.J.,

and for me, it is an important addition, because it has an impact on my prayer and my response to God. Please allow me to use, by way of analogy, a creature from the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them to explain my perception.

Consider infinite God, outwith space and time, represented by the occamy in it’s giant state at the beginning of the scene. He sees me in my past, present and future…who I was, who I am and who I will become. The open teapot represents me when I still myself before Him in prayer, and try to connect with how He is looking at me in the present moment, and the relative smallness of it represents my capacity for God. In order for God to meet me in the present, in my here and now, He moves from His capacious infinity, to my limited capacity: like the occamy at the end of the scene, God makes Himself small in order to meet me where I am. It’s almost as if He focuses and thinks:

Ah, this is who you are, at this moment, in this space and time.

My soul senses this movement in God, and feels the pain of it – I am not who He sees when He looks at me. It is not a desolating, self loathing “I am a worm” realisation; it is the honest and humble knowledge of myself as a loved sinner before my almighty, all loving God, who treasures me and regards me as precious, and His. It provokes in me the desire to become the person He sees when He looks at me. It is a beautiful paradox. I desire to become the person He sees and desires me to become because I sense in His movement that I am not yet the person He sees and desires me to become. For me, considering how He beholds me in the here and now, near the beginning of my prayer, is a significant practice in helping me to feel the reality of wanting to become the person He sees when He looks at me. I’m not that person, but I really want to be.